I bet you thought I was going to talk about sex right? Well guess again, the real question that I have is simple. In this world, there are different types of people. People who accept you for who you are, people that try to change you, and there are those that are just shitty people. Let's be honest here I'm a gay like many other, grew up in church, sang in the choir hell I was even leading worship. Anyways let's get to the Raw part of this story because I think it might give you a little insight on who I am and my crazy life.
In The Beginning
Have you ever looked up a definition of a word, find out its meaning and then go "Oh shit, this is totally me!" Yea? Well If you were wondering what the word "Raw" means let me explain it to you. Raw- is uncooked, not analyzed, evaluated, or processed for use and my favorite definition - it is bleak, cold, and damp. Throughout all my teenage and college years I was every one of those definitions, but the cold was what stuck out to me the most. As I stated before I was a "good ole Christian boy" who at one time was thriving. I was enamored I guess at the simple fact that I could be just like my older brother who was this terrific writer of worship music, he was a nurse for the love of God he was the perfect example. Over the years I started to change I got a cool job at whole foods, made new friends and it's actually where I truly came out my shell its also the place I got into my first relationship with A DUDE!!!! I know scary right?
So I started swapping out my worship singing for drinking on a Sunday Funday or really just being me even though it was a secret to many. But guys this is a real thing and I say it a lot "What's done in the dark will eventually come to the light" and I started to feel the heat from that lamp that I couldn't unplug that's for sure. The choices I made started to affect everyone who was remotely close to me, it started to raise questions with some old faces that I haven't seen In a very long time and when I was faced with the truth I could not answer, so what do I do when these allocation come flying my way like a complete shit storm.. I lied, which is exactly what any other person would do!!!!!!!! Like really who could come face to face with the thing you have been hiding for basically your entire life and the only who had a clue was my mother because in all seriousness mom's know EVERYTHING! It's like they have a third eye for these types of things... I digress after things were said and done I decided it wasn't best for me to fake it anymore so I did what any adult would do I stepped down.
Anyone would be upset for having to leave a place that was like your home away from home and it hurts even more because you know the outcome of what will happen when you reveal what you have been hiding for so long. For instance, everyone you ever knew suddenly just disappeared from your life, wouldn't you be upset? Well, that is exactly what happened to me. After I left to live my life in "freedom" of the four walls that happen to be the church that we went to for years I was out in the open slaying with my gayness and IT WAS SO THRILLiNG! I went out, partied, and had no curfew to stop me who wouldn't want this type of life? #livingmybestlife
But after a few months, the fears that I had were coming into reality. Friendships that were started to deteriorate, the text became shorter and then you just stop checking on each other. The sad part is I didn't even notice until it was too late. Then certain things in my life started to happen and I was not prepared for the challenges I would have to face It was like this insane tornado that took me to Oz but I couldn't click my red pumps to return home which is better words sucked. So why is this important? Coming out at my age is both easy and tough at the same time because we fear the unexpected results of what's going to happen with the relationships that we have with our friends and families. For me, I say F**k that we were meant for so much more in this world, and for people who don't believe it, that is your loss completely. In the end, it made me a stronger human being, who doesn't take shit from anyone so your welcome!
So now that you know my story and have experienced a little of me, just know sometimes you have to create your own family. It doesn't have to be blood it can be a group of your friends, your partner's family, or even your roommate. Just know you are not alone in this world, there are plenty of people who share the exact same story as you and me. Some may say never let any person dull your sparkle, shoot for the moon, but for me, I never wanted the moon. Give me the stars, mars and the whole damn galaxy so that I can make a difference in the world today as it has made a difference in me.
Love Always,
Jon