Welcome All!
When I first decided to write this specific story I didn't exactly realize how hard it was to put into words or even type it out. It's such a sensitive subject that I never know exactly how to start or end it, so be patient with me here, please. OK, imagine one Saturday afternoon you have the day off work shopping for appliances at home depot, when you get a call that you aren't really prepared to hear, well that's what happened to me 4 years ago. I got a call from my brother-in-law saying my mom was being rushed to the hospital and that I needed to get there as soon as possible. Now, normally I would have thought that this was a joke but the fear in my sister's voice made me believe it. So what did I do? I hauled ass to my car and went 90mph to get where I needed to go and that was to my mom. So, Im going to split this into the months that we had with her so you can truly grasp my story, her legacies, and how I became the person that I am today.
August:
Fast-forward to the hospital and me frantically looking like a 5-year old that's lost in the grocery store searching for his mother. Then I saw her there strapped to a bed, hooked up to I.V's, the one person in this world who I thought was invincible was suddenly defenseless. I still remember it so vividly the aching in my chest, the feeling of not being able to breathe, and the questions that were racing through my head. For those of you who don't know me, I put my mom in the category with superheroes. There was nothing in this world that could stop her regardless of the situation that was put in front of her. First, let me give you a tiny part of her origin story every hero has to have one!
Her name was Debra C Veals she married my father, whom she had 5 pretty awesome kids with. She was a master of many things whether it was financials, teaching, or just giving the most straight forward advice. She probably would have killed me if she ever heard me say this, but SHE.WAS.NO.JOKE! Sorry guys, my mama was a Bad B**** which is where most of her kids got it from, I know I did. She was a mom like no other mom. She homeschooled us all, watched us graduate and saw most of us get through college, she was amazing. Anyways like I said my mom was a superhero in my eyes, there was nothing that she couldn't do. She had no weaknesses, no kryptonite to drain her power. She was our safety net, our lighthouse and ultimately the glue that stuck our family together. She was our mom, no one could replace her.
Back to where I left off. When I finally was told I could see her, no one could prepare me for what awaited me behind the door. As I was walking to where she was I kept repeating to myself "Be strong don't let her see her 20-year baby cry." Well, that lasted for a good 5 seconds before I broke down to my knees. I couldn't help it, the one person that I believed was invincible had her armor punctured, and It pissed me off. I didn't have a solution to the problem, I didn't know how to help, and I was useless. After all the tests and her being examined, we found out my mom had a major stroke and if you don't know what that can do to a person let me give you a quick definition. "A Stroke is a disease that affects the arteries leading to and within the brain. It is the No. 5 cause of death and a leading cause of disability in the United States." Tough right?
So many days and nights were spent at the hospital just sitting with her making sure she was better, every time she woke up the only thing that was on her mind was the people who she took care of the most, her family.
As this gets harder for me to write, there might be some typo's but its only because my glasses are foggy so bare with me.
The one moment I remember very clearly, where I experienced my first true moment of sadness, and the moment MY armor was punctured. Was the nurses were trying to see what my mom's brain could remember and how it was developing. They started with something simple like numbers and she did pretty well which made me proud. Then they moved onto letters, singing the ABC's which I thought "Hey, if she can do the numbers, she's got this!" Well, they started singing the song together and she sang "A, B, C, D, E,E, E." and at that moment my heart shattered with an achy feeling that I could never ever forget. I went to the bathroom and I wept, sobbing like a newborn because now the person who taught me my entire life was turning into the student, but we carried on and we got through it.
September:
Months went by, she was finally able to leave the hospital and go to the rehabilitation center so they could work on getting her motor skills back to normal. We couldn't be happier, I mean she was going to get the help that she needed so that she could be our mom again so of course, we were excited. We spent so much time and so many visits there that the staff just knew us, we were Debra's family and we were not going anywhere. At the time I was still going to school and working like normal just to get my mind at ease. I would come to spend afternoons with her, show her my grades, and tell her I was doing exactly what I know she wanted of me no questions asked, but the only thing I think she wanted was her phone so she could keep track of all us haha, I told you she worried about us a lot. Well not to long after that she started doing much better she was talking more, able to say most of our names, and was showing the progress she was making which was incredible. Then finally, I got a call from her that said "I get to come home." and I bet you can figure this next part. We were a happy bunch of adults, the queen was coming home to take her throne and she did.
October - November:
It was exciting, we got to spend a lot of time with her. She was home, laughing, and being her old self regardless of being in her wheelchair. Our days were normally spent making sure she had everything she needed didnt matter what it was, we would do it for her. A lot of our family and friends came to visit where we shared so many memories, laughs, and fun with mom in her sanctuary (my parent's room.) I have so many good memories with her that it's always hard to choose which one I should choose to share, but this is one that will be forever engraved into my heart.
My mom asked me to turn on our computer because she wanted to see others that we like her, people who got better, people who thrived, people who overcame the stipulation that she faced with. She wanted a miracle, and unfortunately that was something that I couldn't give her at the moment. So, what did I do? I found every video that they had and played them over and over again for her. I wanted to give her something more than just hope, I wanted to give her something visible to show her she wasn't alone and that she could overcome.
Weeks later everything seemed normal or what we thought was normal, we were in our daily routines everything seemed to be going great, until one night my dad came running into our rooms and we back at square one. We were headed back to that dreadful hospital and I regret the words that I spoke that morning I told my best friend "I feel like I'm going to lose my mom."
Well, no one really told me what exactly was going on at the time, but I'm a smart kid I could figure it out. A few days later she was able to come home for Thanksgiving and that's when I saw my family truly come together. Her sisters/my aunt's made food for our house, my cousins rallied around us, and our friends were always there with support. We all spent most of that day together enjoying the moments that had that day being thankful that she was here. Her and my dad talked about the usual business around Thanksgiving time "What they were going to get the grandkids for Christmas." She would never go a day without thinking of those two, her pride and joy. That's just how much she loved them, how she loved all of us.
December 2, 2019: Beautiful Goodbye
The hardest thing in life is telling someone goodbye, especially when it's unexpected. This is where it gets hard, so I will tell it to the best of my ability. I woke up, got ready for school, and told her I would see her later like normal. I asked her did she need anything and she said "no." so I went on with my day. I was then sitting in my psychology class and something to me wasn't right but I couldn't figure out what it could be. I remember the time and the weather that morning. I picked up my phone that had been in my pocket and the voice on the other end said "Mom passed away." I sat in the middle of the hallway in disbelief, she was supposed to get better, she was supposed to be here still. Not long after my brother called it took me a while to gather myself but I knew I had to see her one last time. After that, she was gone and we were left empty, and sad. Some of us were angry, some of us were scared, and some were heartbroken. I try not to talk about it that much anymore because that day haunts a lot of us, but I wanted to take the time for you to see the person that she was, the person that lives on in every one of her children and grandchildren.
I'm not telling you this story to feel sympathy for me or my family. I'm telling you this story because it is important for you to know who made me the person I am today, the legacy that she left with all of us is something that I will always cherish and carry with me throughout my life. I will say this, the process is long and its not easy. We all go through our trials and tribulations throughout life. Some things can go better, but not everything is perfect. Loss and hardship things like that, you can't only focus on those. There is not enought time in the world that can heal your heart from something that is earth-shattering, but you can move forward. It's ok to think of them, cry, or even have your moments, but you have try becuase if you havent tried you arent living. All goodbyes
Thank you for reading my story.
Much Love,
Jon Veals